Learning to learn

I´m going to admit what few people would - by nature, I´m a quitter.

I quit playing the viola in fifth grade because I wasn´t really that naturally talented nor did I appreciate the screeching sound of a poorly played instrument. In high school I quit running because, well, basically because I was a head-case. In Telluride I quit working at this one restaurant because I didn´t like the pressure of ´fine dining.´

Needless to say. I quit these things much later, and after much thought, than I originally felt the urge.

My inclination to do what´s easy was made pretty clear today as I sat to take a Spanish test in downtown Buenos Aires. Before starting Spanish lanugage school next Monday, Alex and I had to take a placement exam to determine which class level we would begin in.

At first, it was all laughs.

¨I don´t even know what subjunctive, preterite or imperfect verbs are in English,¨ I joked to Alex.

¨What´s the word for ´love´ again?¨ he asked in return.

¨Seriously, I don´t even know what this stupid test is asking. The directions are even in Spanish.¨ I was getting increasingly frustrated.

¨Whatever. I don´t even want to learn Spanish anyway,¨I said again, reiterating my irritation at feelings of stupidity.

Not true. I do indeed want to learn a foreign language. And I know it´s going to be difficult. I just didn´t imagine I´d get discouraged so easily. And really, I thought I knew more Spanish than I apparently do.

Dad told me after one of his pilgramages across Spain or France that knowing a second language is like having a second soul. That stuck with me and has served, in part, as inspiration to pursue travel abroad.

Needless to say, I haven´t done anything new or hard in a little while. Not like when I was in college and each semester I started something challenging and foreign. At least at first. And of course when I started at the newspaper I faced overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. So I should be perfectly suited to relate to those feelins all over again, right?. But I still don´t like them. No one does.

And no, I don´t actually plan on quitting. I just think about it. And maybe whine a little bit here and there. And so when Monday comes and I´m in a whole new classroom in a whole new part of the city with all new people, I know that if nothing else, I´m at least accountable to anyone who reads this blog. No matter what, I´ll return home knowing more about español, Argentina - and myself - than I did when I left.

JMH